SCANDAL! Eurasian Terror Squirrel gets "special treatment"

And yet again German "Bild Zeitung" is able to uncover one of the greatest scandals of all times. As though the United Nation's refusal of putting an embargo on the acorn and nut supply to the Red Squirrolia's major terror headquarters around the world was not enough, latest results of professional journalist work clarify that we have only seen the "tip of the iceberg".
History has taught mankind throughout the last decade that behind a successful terror network always stands a government to support it...
As to be seen right on our front porch these days where members of the dangerous terror caste have made public appearances sending the clear message "can't touch this!", receiving a very special treatment. BILD uncovers - not only are the "reckless maniacs" able to move freely within the boundaries of our forests but, covered and organized by the government, also receive daily ANAL MASSAGES upon request. Financed with tax-money that goes into the billions. All to keep the mighty force satisfied and calm? Or is there more? What interest does the government have in winning over one of the most deadly and organized terror organizations in the world? I am sure BILD will keep us informed. In the meantime watch your nuts at all times and have your friends and family look after each other's testicles as well.
- No, this doesn't make any sense, but this is an original article from "BILD.de" which has not been altered in any way...